Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category

August 20th, 2007

“Directa Your Feetzah, to Daddy Green’s Pizza”-While not exactly the Sho-Gun of Harlem the little brother’s feet were moving and so was the Giant offense. For the record, Eli’s stat line read 10/13 for 114 yards, 1 TD and 0 INT in just under a half. Not exactly what many expected based on this maddening pre-game quote from Brian Billick as he tried to rally his thugs.

“Take a look at that other sideline, they’re not ready for what we’re bringing”


Raise your hand if you’re not ready

Terrell Suggs with his Drac like mouth was supposed to terrorize Eli and take away the passing game. A tenacious Rex Ryan defense led by Ray Lewis and Ed Reed was supposed to stifle the running game at home, on national television in their oh so frightening black uniforms. So what in the name of Jim Fassel happened here?…read on..


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August 17th, 2007

Preseason Week 2 Preview

New York Giants (0-1) at Baltimore Ravens (1-0)

Sunday, August 19th 8:00PM

On Air: Television: NBC National Broadcast,

On Air: Radio: Sirius Satellite Radio Channels 123, 124



Nevermore- Quoth the Reeser, “Nevermore”…after being gashed repeatedly by a mediocre Panthers running game, restless GM Jerry Reese signed nearly 700lbs of beef to shore up his suddenly suspect defensive line. Defensive Tackles Tui Alailefaleula and Manny Wright tip the scales at about 345lbs each and will be looked upon to provide some stout run stopping support.

From where I sat however, the Giants LBs were guiltier than anyone, so I’m not sure how two Gastric bypass candidates are the answer to the defensive woes. The more pressing need this week, is for the LB trio of Pierce, Mitchell and Kiwanuka to pay closer attention to their keys, and not jump at the first sign of movement from the offense. Too often last week, each LB was guilty of over pursuing when presented with a dive fake or counter only to get themselves blocked out of the play. With a one gap defensive tackle alignment and ends that race up field, the linebackers MUST MUST MUST be a bit more patient and attack the right gaps…continued….

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August 11th, 2007

Carolina at New York, 8pm-Game Preview

Opponents Be Damned- I won’t be talking much about the Giants opponents during the pre-season because it’s a time to watch our young guys, backups and new acquisitions. Who will make the team, who will surprise, who will disappoint and how will the roster shake out? Those are the questions before us each pre-season game. So focus Giants’ faithful on your own players and their performance, the opponent will play bland schemes and this will be the only chance for you to see some of the backups and rookies in extended action. There is no strategy other than to stay healthy, and play hard. Here’s to good health.

Eli Will be…- The starting QB, we know that for a fact but in his first year without Tiki Barber to take over games, more pressure than ever may rest on the easy going former Rebel. Manning is only expected to only play a series or two, so keep your eyes not just on Eli’s passes but on his feet, balance, and demeanor. When he is able to keep his feet moving and scan the field, Eli is as good as they come. His main issue when he starts playing sporadically has been his inability to turn his body toward his target and instead he’s relied solely on his arm. Much like a golf shot, where your feet point after the shot, the ball will have a tendency to follow, so if new QB coach Chris Palmer can keep Eli conscious of his feet, the accuracy will follow. Here’ something fun to try tonight (or 2pm tomorrow on the NFLN); if you focus on his feet, and see that he’s shuffling them, planting, squaring up his shoulders and letting it rip you don’t even need to watch were the ball goes, assume it will be on target.

….continue reading the preview

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August 9th, 2007

During my stint in the boutonnière of New York, I managed to sober up long enough to catch an evening practice and glimpses of a certain Right Wing Survivor Winning Rosie O’Donnell Hating Pregnant Girl who shall remain nameless. Dying for a hint huh? Her name starts with an E, ends in a -beth and has a liza in the middle. Ok no more clues Inspectors…go go Gadget keyboard…

My observations were not of the flow of any one play, completions, interceptions, crowd oohing plays or violent collisions. Being a complete football nerd I of course focused on the things that make a good athlete a good football player; hand placement, punch, footwork, power base, body lean, field awareness etc. The focus was solely on a few players I have my doubts about, guys in new positions, and returning injured players…continue reading the article

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August 8, 2007

Before I begin my sordid tale of interstate intrigue, overindulgence, and pregnant celebrities, I wanted to address the Michael Strahan situation. Cheated, got caught, got fleeced, wants more $, the end. Seriously Mike, if you’re reading this get a life I’m a nobody. In anxious anticipation of Mister Strahan’s anguishing decision, the good folks at Personal Foul suggest you go see a Summer blockbuster…In a place where Defensive Ends were once plentiful, witness a tale about a Man, his journey to find himself and the team he left twisting in the wind. This Summer, Giant fans everywhere await…..


Head North not so Young Man

My journey began on Friday August 3rd, trudging to Manhattan to locate my wing man for this journey, whom we shall only refer to as, “Smash”. Friday Night Lights fans might be thinking I’m stealing, but Smash is simply, well a guy who likes to smash things….Boston Market cookies, Dewars on the rocks, my passenger seat, my olfactory system. After Smash got situated and feeding time was over, I counted my fingers and we headed up I-87 to Albany, NY to watch our beloved Giants practice. Yes Allen Iverson, we talkin’ ’bout practice, not a game..not a game…but practice. As mentioned in my psychological profile, I have a bit of an obsession with football.


Will Tom Coughlin’s message sink in? Not with me, on with the yakkity yak!

WARNING- Unless you’re a football nutjob, specifically a Giants football nutjob, do not continue reading this for it will a) hurt your feeble brain 2) bore you to the point of wanting to watch the View (more on that later) or number d) turn you delusional and you’ll starting shaking your belly and saying things like..“Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom. He was about to. But his sister did”


How to gain entry to a booby trapped fenced yard.

Tony Romo’s Spinal Cord

Ok, now that we’ve scared off anyone who sprang from an X chromosome or was born after 1985, let’s proceed. One of the most interesting developments to me, was the amorphous nature of our defensive front 7. Granted you have 2s and 3s mixing in, but I saw a few amoeba like fronts that scared me from the bleachers, I can’t imagine it will make guys like Tony “Drop Dead” Romo and Jason Campbell too comfortable. That nickname for Romo is not official, but I really do want him to drop dead so here’s hoping it sticks and he catches SARS or the Bird Flu. What I’d really enjoy is a Mortal Kombat like “Finish Him” death but one handed spinal cord removal is just a lost art these days.


That’s just showing off-Break the spine, walk away-its just that simple.

The 265lb Elephant in the Room

Particularly interesting to me is that former DE turned OLB Mathias Kiwanuka (heretofore known as Kiwi), seemed to be lined up anywhere and everywhere. He was at LDE, SAM (Strong Side Linebacker for the un-nerdy), WILL (weakside LB), and as seen below at an “Elephant” or rover position. The Elephant position is one used in a 3-4 or 4-3 nickel front that enables a hybrid LB/DE to overload a gap or pick his spot to get to the QB. Given Kiwi’s very unique skill set, this development was one that had me very excited for our new defense. Not as excited as Smash was when this girl in an orange top roamed by, but still I was pretty geeked. No Smash did NOT ask for her number, something about he hates the color orange and how it clashes with tan skin.



“My Prediction?….PAIN” (Overused sure but we love Mr. T)

Why should you all be excited at this development? Simple, think Giants and 49ers of the 80s, Patriots of the two..two thousands?…the OOs the Ots?..what the hell do I call it? Meh. Anyway, guys like Charles Haley, Tim Harris, Willie McGinest and a young man by the name of Lawrence Taylor all manned this position with great acclaim and great success. The Elephant backer is like the modest girl who turns hot in movies once she takes out the hair tie and ditches the glasses. You might not know by looking, but once it’s unleashed, you will see it’s true hotness come through. Or something like that.

Those worrying about Kiwi having trouble covering people, fear not, if Steve Spagnuolo follows his mentor’s blue print and all indications are that he will be, Kiwi won’t be down the field covering too many people. The SAM in this defense acts as another DL in a sense, and you’re left w/ two LBs almost playing the middle which is why Kawika Mitchell lining up next to Antonio Pierce makes so much sense. Kiwi will be a run stopping force on the edge, a difficult obstacle to throw over, and a pass rushing weapon on obvious passing downs. His ability to be moved around and have his talent maximized is achieved best at this spot. Now that’s simply MY opinion and from what I gather the opinion of the Giants brain trust but for all of you computer jockeys who are smarter than they are, keep thinking it’s a bad idea. Me and Kiwi will prove you wrong, or I’ll just have Smash pay you a visit.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Another way of saying me, the opposite of me and you guys reading this….more to come shortly…



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Tuesday, August 7th, 2007

There it stood, familiar but glorious, welcoming me with open arms to my new Summer vacation spot. The Eiffel Tower, The Sphinx, The Statue of Liberty? No my soon to be loyal readers, I wasn’t in Paris, Giza or Manhattan but I was in New York; staring up at the specter of a Giant blow up doll.


“Welcome To Albany….losers!”

Why would anyone go to Albany for a vacation? Simple, to get grainy photographs of guys who make way more money than I do and seemingly like to brag about it with their body language.


Defensive End Justin Tuck, (Shoshone Indian for….”Head like bullet”)

Albany was not without it’s own royalty, the ever smiling (I hate guys like that) and newly appointed “Chief” Osi Umenyiora. I don’t know that Osi is qualified to be a Chief, I pretty much think you have to pay some guy in a loin cloth who wears a necklace made of human teeth and you’re in.

Those would make a fine necklace

Those would make a mighty fine necklace Chief!

Lorenzen Ahead of Manning??

No trip to Giants’ Training Camp would be complete without speculating that QB Jared Lorenzen aka The Hefty Lefty, aka J-Load, aka The Pillsbury Throwboy, aka The Round Mound of Touchdown, aka Mister Dumpy Pants, is ahead of Eli Manning and should be starting ahead of the king of the boring interview. Ok no one has called Lorenzen Mister Dumpy Pants yet, but look at his lumpy butt in those pants long enough and you’ll be on the bandwagon. (note: Personal Foul personnel in no way condone, encourage or approve of such behavoir)

My personal opinion, Lorenzen is as you can see DEFINITELY ahead of Eli. The proof is incontrovertible, he’s got him by like 2 steps.


Overheard from Eli:”Move it Mr. Dumpy Pants”



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