August 8, 2007
Before I begin my sordid tale of interstate intrigue, overindulgence, and pregnant celebrities, I wanted to address the Michael Strahan situation. Cheated, got caught, got fleeced, wants more $, the end. Seriously Mike, if you’re reading this get a life I’m a nobody. In anxious anticipation of Mister Strahan’s anguishing decision, the good folks at Personal Foul suggest you go see a Summer blockbuster…In a place where Defensive Ends were once plentiful, witness a tale about a Man, his journey to find himself and the team he left twisting in the wind. This Summer, Giant fans everywhere await…..
Head North not so Young Man
My journey began on Friday August 3rd, trudging to Manhattan to locate my wing man for this journey, whom we shall only refer to as, “Smash”. Friday Night Lights fans might be thinking I’m stealing, but Smash is simply, well a guy who likes to smash things….Boston Market cookies, Dewars on the rocks, my passenger seat, my olfactory system. After Smash got situated and feeding time was over, I counted my fingers and we headed up I-87 to Albany, NY to watch our beloved Giants practice. Yes Allen Iverson, we talkin’ ’bout practice, not a game..not a game…but practice. As mentioned in my psychological profile, I have a bit of an obsession with football.
Will Tom Coughlin’s message sink in? Not with me, on with the yakkity yak!
WARNING- Unless you’re a football nutjob, specifically a Giants football nutjob, do not continue reading this for it will a) hurt your feeble brain 2) bore you to the point of wanting to watch the View (more on that later) or number d) turn you delusional and you’ll starting shaking your belly and saying things like..“Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn’t come over to my house to use the bathroom. He was about to. But his sister did”
How to gain entry to a booby trapped fenced yard.
Tony Romo’s Spinal Cord
Ok, now that we’ve scared off anyone who sprang from an X chromosome or was born after 1985, let’s proceed. One of the most interesting developments to me, was the amorphous nature of our defensive front 7. Granted you have 2s and 3s mixing in, but I saw a few amoeba like fronts that scared me from the bleachers, I can’t imagine it will make guys like Tony “Drop Dead” Romo and Jason Campbell too comfortable. That nickname for Romo is not official, but I really do want him to drop dead so here’s hoping it sticks and he catches SARS or the Bird Flu. What I’d really enjoy is a Mortal Kombat like “Finish Him” death but one handed spinal cord removal is just a lost art these days.
That’s just showing off-Break the spine, walk away-its just that simple.
The 265lb Elephant in the Room
Particularly interesting to me is that former DE turned OLB Mathias Kiwanuka (heretofore known as Kiwi), seemed to be lined up anywhere and everywhere. He was at LDE, SAM (Strong Side Linebacker for the un-nerdy), WILL (weakside LB), and as seen below at an “Elephant” or rover position. The Elephant position is one used in a 3-4 or 4-3 nickel front that enables a hybrid LB/DE to overload a gap or pick his spot to get to the QB. Given Kiwi’s very unique skill set, this development was one that had me very excited for our new defense. Not as excited as Smash was when this girl in an orange top roamed by, but still I was pretty geeked. No Smash did NOT ask for her number, something about he hates the color orange and how it clashes with tan skin.
“My Prediction?….PAIN” (Overused sure but we love Mr. T)
Why should you all be excited at this development? Simple, think Giants and 49ers of the 80s, Patriots of the two..two thousands?…the OOs the Ots?..what the hell do I call it? Meh. Anyway, guys like Charles Haley, Tim Harris, Willie McGinest and a young man by the name of Lawrence Taylor all manned this position with great acclaim and great success. The Elephant backer is like the modest girl who turns hot in movies once she takes out the hair tie and ditches the glasses. You might not know by looking, but once it’s unleashed, you will see it’s true hotness come through. Or something like that.
Those worrying about Kiwi having trouble covering people, fear not, if Steve Spagnuolo follows his mentor’s blue print and all indications are that he will be, Kiwi won’t be down the field covering too many people. The SAM in this defense acts as another DL in a sense, and you’re left w/ two LBs almost playing the middle which is why Kawika Mitchell lining up next to Antonio Pierce makes so much sense. Kiwi will be a run stopping force on the edge, a difficult obstacle to throw over, and a pass rushing weapon on obvious passing downs. His ability to be moved around and have his talent maximized is achieved best at this spot. Now that’s simply MY opinion and from what I gather the opinion of the Giants brain trust but for all of you computer jockeys who are smarter than they are, keep thinking it’s a bad idea. Me and Kiwi will prove you wrong, or I’ll just have Smash pay you a visit.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Another way of saying me, the opposite of me and you guys reading this….more to come shortly…
